What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The struggles of a small town man whore
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
