Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
