This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
