The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
