I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
