im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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