Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
