My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
