You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
