haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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