bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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