you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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