That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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