Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
