did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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