OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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