One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
