Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize