Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just want nice things and good sex
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
