Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
