he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
smell my finger.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
