ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
