Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
