Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
