VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
