i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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