I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
