U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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