Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
