Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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