ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
this hospital has no fireball
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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