I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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