i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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