Already got asked if we're dating
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Randomize
