Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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