i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
