I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
