I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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