Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
