What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Someone signed my nipple.
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