He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
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It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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