we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
