i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Semen is not good for contacts.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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