are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
