the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
