Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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