Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
