and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
