I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
