she woke up with a sticky ear
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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