Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
