Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
