she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
