i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
