Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
