What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
