Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
