I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
