He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
