We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
