I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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