thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
