You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
