What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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