apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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