Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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