Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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