so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
