You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
