2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you never un-have a 4some
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
