How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
