i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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