Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
