It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
