Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
