check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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