Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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