Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
