What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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