I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
