God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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