Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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